Lets See if I Still Got it

 

I’m going to just write and ramble and see what comes out. Life man, life is a bitch. Life can be totally awesome and then life can be that bitch in middle school that you will always hate because she didn’t like your heavy eyeliner that would always smear because you didn’t know about waterproof yet. Over the past few months I think I’ve had more life altering experiences than I have had in the past few years. Moving to a new state with completely different political views than your used too, a new culture, a new norm to conform too – it got exhausting. I’m finally figuring out what is socially acceptable to talk about and what I should keep to myself, that was a huge trial and error experience.

Theres a few things that have stood out to me that I feel compelled to mention, hopefully it will help you too.

1. There will always be someone telling you your way of thinking is wrong. And it may be wrong to them, but if its right for you then continue on your way. There is no right or wrong in this world. There’s only opinions that have been shaped by our upbringing and life events. Don’t be close minded, but follow your gut. If you’re compelled to go a specific route, follow that trail. If you fail, thats okay. At least you won’t have to wonder “what if”.
2. Its okay to cut people off. I deleted my Facebook 3 months ago and it was the most therapeutic experience not to give a fuck about what other people are constantly doing. It’s been nice to keep in contact with those I truly care about and being able to live my life for me and not for what I can post on Facebook later on. Silly I know, but I was addicted to social media… Its a real thing lol.
3. “Fake it until you make it”. I used to preach how important it was to be happy and to spread positivity like it was chunky peanut butter and you’re on your period. But I’ve kinda changed my mind on this.. It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to be depressed and sad. It is okay to not be yourself for months because you have no idea what the hell is happening in your life. It is okay to fall down. Its okay not to be happy. Don’t fake your feelings, confront them. If you keep running with this fake smile, overtime whatever it is behind that smile will worsen. Don’t fake it until you make it, you will be happy one day. You will radiate with positivity one day. But, if thats not right now, thats okay.
4. Where you are right now is where you are meant to be. If I could get “It happened for a Reason” tattooed on my forehead, I would. It seems we have become a society that regrets more than we accept a situation for happening. We’ve also became a society that forces, rather than allows natural events to occur. Life was not meant to be controlled. The more we try to control it, the more it gets fucked up. Let life happen. Its going to fucken suck. Like really suck. But you know what, eventually it will be better than you ever expected.
5. No matter what anyone tells you, you have full control of you. Go to school for what you want. Live where you want. Eat what you want. Believe what you want. What is the point of living a life that other people want you to live? Whenever my friends talk to me about what they should do, I ask what THEY want to do. Their answer? Their answer is the answer. Why are you talking to me if YOU know what you want to do. I’m not going to tell you you are right or wrong. If that’s what your heart is telling you, do it!

The media is no longer into diets, its all about living a healthy lifestyle. But its centered around eating habits and exercise. But what about your mental health? There is never a wrong time to make a change. If you don’t like your job, quit. Its okay, find a job that makes you happy. If you don’t like your major, quit. Its okay, find a major that you love. If you don’t like your living situation, leave. Find the destination that feels like home.

Anything you are ever feeling is okay. Never doubt your emotions. Its okay to not be in a positive head space at all times. Its okay to take your own path in life. Always remember, you are not alone. There is a community of people out there following their dreams and living their life FOR THEM. Join that community if thats what you desire to do. Its okay to not have money be your focus, or a huge career, or an education. Know the risks of the path you choose and if you are content with those, then proceed on.

Its 2016 and its about time we all said “fuck your opinions” and lived our own lives. Find those people who compliment your strengths and accept you for weaknesses. Find those people who genuinely care about who you are as a person, not just how they can benefit from you.

We’ll Call Him Mr.Wrong

I have a bunch of exams coming up, not to mention that thing called a social life that I’m trying to maintain to keep myself sane through college. However, I felt impelled to write this evening and I’ve noticed lately that if I feel inspired to write, I have to drop everything and write. With all this science and economics in my brain, there isn’t much time for creativity.

So, I’m going to try to make this short and sweet. Equality between genders has always been an issue. In many areas we have improved greatly from just a century ago (Shoutout to women CEOs, business owners, and all the successful & beautiful Transgender!). I honestly thought that we had gotten past this whole “men are superior to women. Women have no voice, they’re only on this world to make men happy”. I was told this recently and I said, “if women are here to help men, it’s the ones that are crazy and they need help emotionally”. I’m only kidding. But, seriously if you think women have only one role in this world… well then shit, you’re living in the wrong century.

Here’s the thing. Women can be that amazing nurturing woman you want to marry. Women can be that wife that stays home and cooks and cleans and does all the soccer mom things. Women can do SO much for you, you think her full time job is making you happy. But, women can also do all of that while having her own successful career. See, the thing about being a woman is that we’ve had to build armor beneath our skin and be ready to fight because at any moment we can be undermined because of gender. See, the thing about women is that we are usually pretty good multitaskers. We can manager a career, a family, and all that damn cleaning we have to do. It’s silly to think that if a woman has a career that other things will be neglected. All we need is some support and we will surprise you with how much we can handle.

Also, because a woman fights for equality and think women are bad ass as fuck does not mean she is this nazi-feminist that hate all men. The fight for equality has nothing to do with one gender being better than any, it has to do with all genders being equal. Because at the end of the day, we are all human – who cares whats in between the legs. A woman who speaks up to assholes that try and demean women is not annoying or a bitch. A woman who is confident and believes she is a powerful and independent woman is not overdramatic. Maybe people should realize we weren’t born without voices…. We have a speaker box for a reason, and it’s not to echoe what people “want us to say”, its to design our own thoughts and radio station for people to tune in if they want too.

I’ve allowed many men to demean me because I didn’t want them to think I was annoying or someone who was trying to slap down men. Because lets be honest, I love men. But the thing is, I allowed men to tell me I was worthless. I allowed men to tell me that women belong in the kitchen, not to say no to them, and pretty much my role was to make sure they were happy – they didn’t give a flying F about my happiness. But the thing is ladies, men that demean you for being a strong ass woman don’t deserve you. Men that demean you for whatever the heck, need to work on themselves.

Recently, I had a man tell me he didn’t care about who I am because he could tell that my personality was enough to be his wife. I said, “you realize there is so much more to me that makes me who I am. Who I am when I am around you, is not who I am”. What I meant by that is that when I was with him, I made him feel like THE man. I wanted to be the woman who cooked for him, cleaned for him, and made sure he always had cold beer in the fridge. And that’s what I want to be for any man that I decide to marry. But the difference is that, that is all that he saw me as. He didn’t know I wanted to open my own nonprofit, empower young women, obtain a double major, and travel. He didn’t know how passionate I am about people, the world, and spreading happiness. All he knew was all the things I would do for him. Nothing else mattered. He still doesn’t even know my major, but last I knew he wanted to marry me. OKAY.

The last time we spoke he told me a famous comedian was annoying and one of those “empowering women”. He said, god created women to serve men. He said, all those women that empower women are annoying as hell. I couldn’t even get mad because he believes what he believes. And that’s also another point I wanted to make, everyone has their own beliefs. There is nothing we can do about what people think, but it’s important to always listen.

Women, do whatever it is that you want to do in your life. I know, when you fall in love, or when your dating its easy to get lost in the feelings. It’s easy to want to become everything that man wants. But if you become what that man wants, you are no longer yourself. I promise, a man will love who YOU are. But, you need to stay true to yourself. You need to find who you are. And you need to love yourself. Because we are all beautiful. There is no right or wrong in life, the only thing you can do wrong is to not do what YOU want to do. Any path you take will lead you to where you belong, so trust in the journey.

That guy got mad at me because I would ask him questions when he started acting weird. He told me I was so far up his ass that I could see his intestines. All I asked was why he’s been acting weird the past few days and if I was wrong that he had been. Instead of talking it out, he told me I was up his ass and annoying. One thing he should have known about a strong ass woman, we can smell bullshit from a mile away. The moment I spoke up, he shut  me down. The moment I spoke up, he didn’t like who I was. The moment I spoke up, I realized he didn’t like me.

Which is okay, because I like myself.

Every Seed is a Tree

This weekend I attended a Leadership retreat that focused on the concept of resilience. Resilience is the ability to recover quickly from difficulties; the ability to spring back, and to spring back strong. This concept is applicable to every part of our lives, but we don’t put much thought into it. In relation to effective leadership, resilience is an important thing to be able to do. It’s not a trait, it’s something that you work on, and every crappy situation is your chance to build stronger resilience.

We were lucky to have some amazing guest speakers that allowed us to really understand the concept of resilience, and I wanted to share a few solid points that may inspire you:

1. Allow yourself to keep rejections present in your mind. See, rejections show all the work that you’ve put in to get to where you are today. I know, we don’t like to think we ever fail – but the reality is that, we fail quite a bit. But, we don’t like to remember these times because apparently failure is bad. Failure is what pushes us to be better. Rejections are opportunities to learn what you can do next time that will get you that step closer to where you want to be.
2. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean that failure defines you. This was huge to my personal life because I will remember every moment of a failure for a week straight. I overanalyze a lot, and I tend to convince myself that all anyone will ever remember about me is that one time at band camp. Beside the fact that I never actually went to band camp, but I did have a lot of blacked out nights… so I’m sure you can only imagine the events that could’ve occurred there. But, it’s when you realize that again; these failures don’t define you, when you really begin to grow as a person. Failures are beautiful, they’re life lessons, and they CAN be used to motivate you.
3. Always think about the next move, after the next move. This blew my mind. These ten words, made me realize how impulsive I can be about some decisions. I usually look to the next move, because I am a huge planner. But I don’t often look past that. But, it’s past that really matters. Its there that things begin to happen, it’s the move after the next move, which really does have effect on the present. It’s interesting to see how our lives could be changed if we thought in this way every once and while, or even to think, when DO WE think like this? Ever? Always? Only for BIG decisions?
4. How you react to the stumble says a lot about your future. We all are faced with shitty situations, but how we respond to those becomes habit. Habits are hard to be break. So just be aware, could you maybe take a deep breath before you scream?
5. Good is the enemy of great. Being good isn’t bad, it’s average. Being average isn’t bad, it’s simply average. But if you really want to follow through with whatever goals you have, make sure you see yourself and your potential as great. Because if you only see yourself or your potential as good, you’ll stay content with being average. Which is okay if that’s HONESTLY where you’re comfortable. But if you can see yourself doing GREAT work, then hold yourself to those standards. Because we have the ability to meet and exceed all the standards we ever set for ourselves.
6. You can’t be above average if you are making average decisions. This relates to the bullet above in some sense, and I also think it speaks for itself. Pretty much, another mind blown moment.
7. Mirrors are the only things on earth that shows you who you really are. Selfie’s show the angle we look best at. Often times we put some level of effort into our appearance before we leave the house. But when you are alone getting ready, taking off your make up, or just washing your hands – what you see, is who you are. You are that beautiful face. You are the freckles. You are your past. You are your present. You are whatever emotion you are feeling. You are simply you, and the mirror sees that. And it still says you are an amazing individual.
8. There are three versions of you. Who think you are, who they think you are, and who you really are. If you take anything from all of this, I HIGHLY recommend it being this. I would talk for hours on how mind blown this made me, but I will save you all the time. Just know, MIND BLOWN.
9. If you don’t have goals, and you fall – you don’t have a guide to help you get back on track. Goals help guide you. Set goals!
10. No one is impressed by what you don’t have time for. “I’m to busy for that”. “There’s not enough hours in the day”. You are complaining. We all wish there was more time to accomplish what we want to do daily, but we cant add anymore hours. So do what you can in the time we are given.
11. Everyone is impressed by what you MAKE time for. Time management, priorities, you can accomplish a trillion things in a day. You just need to be focused, committed, and self-motivated to get what you need done, done.
12. You have control over your own future. It’s hard to forget that no one has control over our lives besides us. It’s sometimes easier to let people make decisions for you. But, if you always let that happen… you wont be happy. What makes you happy may not be what so and so wants you do to. But, so and so isn’t you. You are you. Your future is YOURS.
13. Find your true purpose. What makes you happy? What motivates you? What are you passionate about? Putting all the judgments aside, WHO are YOU?

I choose these thirteen points because I realized how much I personally allow others to make decisions for me. I did A because B wanted me to. When really I wanted to do C, but B gave me a thousand reasons why C was bad. This has been a continuous cycle in my life that I realized was leading me in a direction that was making society happy, but not myself. This has been a battle for a few years. It’s annoying, but I definitely have allowed it to happen for way to long.

See, I associate my decision making with bad decisions because in the past, most things I chose to do – led me in a pretty bad direction. Where as, when I confided in so and so, I usually rethought things and did it because it was “the right thing to do”. Now, when I’m talking about this I’m not talking about wanting to break car windows, and my friend told me not to because it was wrong. I’m talking about things like, I want to get a tattoo on my arm, but then so and so convinces me that its wrong. Its like I’m scared to disappoint people or be judged, so instead I ask other people what I should do – so I can get an outsiders insight into my life decisions instead of rocking that arm tattoo because it’s badass.

Even if you don’t have an interest in leadership, I felt these thirteen points were applicable to any area or passion in life. The ability to know WHO YOU REALLY ARE today is hard. We don’t like to spend time with ourselves. We will sit alone in our room, but we’ll be with Netflix or Pandora or Homework. We don’t allow ourselves to see who we are because of ability to use filters on everything. There are a lot of pressures on us as college students, and there will always be pressures on us until we die. It’s the ability to get past these ideas of who we aren’t that people want us to be, and to be who you are even if it’s not what people want you to be. But those who really are in your life for good reason will love you no matter what path you take. I don’t advise becoming a drug addict or a murder.

Our last keynote speaker on Saturday was Sam Nix. He brought up an interesting concept that may help you understand this idea of resilience a little better.

We are all seeds. Inside of every seed is a tree. In order for the seed to grow, it needs to be in the right environment. Once it’s in the right environment, you water it, you give it sunlight, and you allow it time to break through the soil. Once it breaks through the soil, it begins to slowly blossom into this beautiful tree. Over time, this tree produces more trees, and you suddenly have a beautiful area of trees that started because of you.

If you just threw the seed on the cement and did not allow it to be in the proper environment for growth, it would’ve just stayed a seed. But because you gave it the environment and time for appropriate growth, it became what it was meant to be.

Its up to us to find the environment that works best for us. You may not be living up to your full potential yet because you aren’t in the right environment. When you find that place, you will know. You will be nurtured by life experiences, by an amazing group of people, and also happiness. This takes time, we will be faced with some hardships, and it will not be easy. But once you break through that soil, you will begin to grow. And with strength and confidence, those surrounded by you will begin to grow and develop as well. We all have something to offer each other, it may seem hard to show that when you aren’t where you are destined to be. And that’s okay. You will find your place. And when you do, you’ll remember that you were once a simple seed that turned into this beautiful and complex tree of life.

Something That May Mean Something

We’ve grown comfortable being who we aren’t during the day,
And we struggle to find who we are at night.
We’re going through a weird time in life.
A time where we are expected to be mature and have a plan for our life,
yet are told it’s okay if we don’t because we are still young.
A time when we act young, wild, and free we are suddenly criticized,
Because we are supposed to have our lives together.
What is it that you want?

By 27 it is said that the habits we’ve established are the habits we act on for the rest of our lives.
By 30 we are expected to have an established career, children, and a home.
People act like the mistakes of our younger years will ruin our lives forever.
It’s like mistakes can’t happen
But we are told, “you learn from your mistakes”.
So without mistakes, are we even learning?
Has this “handbook to life”, created a deathly fear of making mistakes?
Not allowing room to learn, instead a generated list of steps to follow or we’re fuck ups.
Like, heres a manual. If you don’t follow it you will not succeed, you will be a nobody and might as well give up on becoming anything ever.
What is success anyways?
Google says:
“the accomplishment of an aim or purpose”
“the attainment of popularity or profit”
“a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity”
I’m sure your thinking, well google isn’t a valid resource.
Please shut up.
It is no more valid than asking the smartest person on earth,
because it is all a matter of opinion.
So when did success become determined by materialized things?
When did the career path someone decides to take become anyone else’s business?
How is being a bartender at age 30 versus being part of a fortune 500 company at age 30 any different?
The average income, the status, the benefits.
Okay, I get that. But does anyone care about happiness?

Money doesn’t buy happiness.
Materialistic things only make us happy temporarily and on the surface.
But like all temporary things, that happiness comes to an end.
Once you’ve grown bored of your new Mercedes you crave something better.
Before we know it we are addicted to fulfilling a void of unhappiness with “things”.
When I talk about happiness people often chuckle, give me a look screaming happiness isn’t real.
But it is.
It’s time we stop judging one another for our life choices.
People always say “don’t let what others think effect your decisions”
But, we are so damn self conscious that we have to take a xanex before we make a decision that isn’t supported by the mass majority.
I took two years off from school and many people doubted I would ever go back.
Well I’m going back in three weeks.
I abused pills, weed, and alcohol from age 12 until I was about 17.
And I’m totally clean besides good ol’ beer every once in a while.
I chose a path through life that I knew wasn’t going to be easy.
I despised doing what people told me and others to do because I didn’t want to be like anyone else.
There is pure beauty in individuality and I witnessed on countless occasions people become the norm, because they feared being different or taking the unknown path through life.
I understand the fear that comes with the disapproval from your loved ones.
I understand the fear that comes with the unknown.
But you want to know why I understand it?
Because I took the risk to experience the unknown and explore the path others feared.
I had mental breakdowns.
At many times I hated my life.
I asked “why did I do this?”
But it all began to make sense.
And I learned how to REFLECT upon my actions, my thoughts, and my decisions.
I chose to connect with myself to understand why I was determined to do what I do, why I feel the way I feel, and why I react the way I react.
I mess up often, I don’t think before I speak, and I run away from my problems.
Eventually my problems run in front of me and I’m forced to face them.
I approach my problems defensively at first,
but then I think about myself and what I could’ve done differently, and I have to understand why things happened the way they did as a result of my actions.
Even if it’s “someone else’s fault”, there is also self reflecting that can be done.
Owning up to your own bullshit is hard to do.
It is certainly an on going learning process, but the moment it is done successfully you feel a sense of relief.
Life is absolutely beautiful, I say this everyday. Often to remind myself to get my head out of my ass.
It’s important to surround yourself with a diverse group of people,
but within those people its important to make sure each one supports you.
They support you in your good, bad, and stupid decisions.
It’s important those people are there to knock sense into you and not be afraid to tell you you are screwing up.
It’s important your surroundings want to have a happy life as well,
but will not tell YOU how to live your happy life.
All of our definitions of happy are different,
just like our ideas of success are different.

To me, to be successful means to be happy. As long as at the root of your soul you are genuinely happy – to me you are successful.

When people get consumed with materialistic things or allow people to control their lives it saddens me.
But I also understand it.
I don’t judge you for it.
But I just hope you are happy.
And if you aren’t happy, I hope you find what it is that makes you happy.
Because we all deserve to be happy.

Unknown Dreams Change

A new start is scary, exciting, and overwhelming. We think we are ready for anything, then that anything happens, and we realize how ready we weren’t. I’ve gone a little MIA since I moved away for a few reasons: I’m overwhelmed with change, missing my hometown, and I’ve realized how ready I wasn’t for the real world.

Since I was about sixteen years old I was set on making a career out of being a writer. My love for writing began when I realized how powerful words are, and how people are LISTENING to your words instead of judging you on your appearance and allowing that to have an effect of some kind on the words that are actually coming out of your mouth. Growing up I did not have talents, but I found my place in writing. Freshmen year I had a teacher compliment my style of writing, and the way my voice traveled when I read out loud. I ran into him at a coffee shop the summer I graduated from High School and when we talked about my goals after High School his last words to me were, “I hope you follow your dreams of writing, maybe even be on TV, you carry yourself well and your voice will always travel”. He gave me that push and confidence that I’d always needed my freshman year and it was apparent three years later his support was still heavy.

Throughout High School, and the two resting years after, I found my strength in helping those around me. I found strength in listening, giving unbiased advice, and being 100% present when people were speaking to me. I learned a lot about myself while helping others, while giving those people a sense of security knowing I was passionate about their lives and genuinely wanted to help in any way I could, even if that was just being a pair of ears to listen.

So trail and error began in trying to figure out what it was that I was trying to do with my life. I started this blog, but once life began I realized I was unable to keep up with it. I found myself having a pitty party for myself through my writing instead of actually trying to solve my problems. It seemed like I was writing as a cry for help instead of getting the help I needed. I realized nothing in life is handed to you and if you really want something you need to get off your ass and make it happen. I tried to do a photojournalism project, but that too fell through and I hurt many women as a result. The potential for that project was amazing, but I went into it completely blind and during a time in my life where there as so much going on I was unable to pull everything together. I was in a dark place at the time, disappointed those involved, and the whole situation was my first big eye opener into what it takes to make nothing into something.

So I moved to a new state looking for a new start and a brighter future. I gained some great role models, a new appreciation for my hometown and friends, and my skills were brought to light. I learned the importance of my future, how to apply my skills, and re-evaluated what in the hell it is that I want to do with my life. I know I want to help people, I know I want to make a change in people’s lives, and I want to be happy with whatever it is that I end up doing. Money isn’t really important to me, as long as my future family can live comfortably I will be happy. I’ve decided to change my major to a double BBA major in Management and Marketing. I’m taking the appropriate steps now to volunteering at local nonprofits with a focus in which I plan to get into after graduation. I have a vision board to keep my goals clear. And I’m beginning my life after making a shit load of changes.

When I moved, I had to start over in a new state, culture, with only a few people that were familiar. For a moment I felt lost as hell, but then it all began to make sense and I was happy with what I’d come to realize. Writing will always be important to me, but my passions lay within helping people and helping this world. My future goal is to one day open up an after school and summer program for young girls in low income areas, a place that the girls can rely on to be stable and provide them the tools to develop into strong, independent, and successful women.

I will do all that I can to make this dream come true, and if it doesn’t then I plan to at least work my way up in an already established non-profit with similar goals.

Life is scary and when you think you know what your doing, something happens to show you that you may not know. And that’s okay. It’s important to stay true to yourself, to do what makes you happy, and to keep in mind that you can do ANYTHING that you want to do. You just have to be willing to work your ass off, fail, and be flexible to change.

The past two years have been crazy, but the recent six months have been the craziest. Those close to me always have to remind me that I’m only twenty years old, that I have time to figure out exactly what it is that I want to do. But I’m ready to make a change, work hard, and to connect with other people who are passionate about the empowerment of young women to see what WE can do to contribute to the uprise of women in the work world.

According to Forbes, 14% of executive positions are held by women and women earn $0.77 for every dollar earned by men (article available here). I am believer that nothing needs to hold you back, some of us may have to work harder to achieve our goals, but we can ALL make it.

It’s time we stop comparing ourselves to other people, think about what it is that we want to do, and believing in ourselves that we can make the change we are all dying to see. Life is scary, the unknown is scary, but the only way we will get to where we want to do be is to take risks, and not take the easy way through life if we want to see true results.

School starts in a month, I have a new job, I’ve only had one sunburn since I’ve moved, and I’m ready to see where life takes me. I miss everyone in the PNW terribly, and I wish all of you the very damn best.

To the unknown, our dreams, and the change we will make! XO

To The Natural You

Good morning, good evening, good life.

When I wake up I stare at you for only a few minutes. It’s nice to have a cup of coffee with you, to enjoy the quietness that comes with a 2:30am wake up, but I need to cover you.

Your light eye lashes and uneven skin tone scream imperfection, and today I must be perfect.

CC cream evens out my complexion.

Mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow make my eyes pop.

High Definition powder erases my oily skin.

Setting spray sets it all, so even if I sweat – people believe I am that flawless.

Though I know you cause me breakouts, I am addicted to you.

Addiction runs in my family, so I wish I knew how much power you’d have over me.

I love you, but I also hate you.

Men love you, but don’t like me.

They believe that you are, who I am. But, the moment you aren’t with me, they ask me who I am.

“Are you sick?”

Apparently you are my medicine.

“Wow you look so pretty today”

You make people notice me.

I’m sorry to admit this, but I use you.

I try to be strong with out you, but it seems like we are a packaged deal.

No one wants me without you.

When I look at myself I think I’m beautiful.

I don’t notice my uneven skin tone.

My light lashes are actually relieving because the rest of my body hair is dark.

I know I can be strong without you.

But I don’t know why I can’t let you go.

What if the world ran out of makeup? How many women would go to desperate measures to get make up like products. How creative would we get in using what is accessible to cover up our imperfections. Or would we learn to accept what the hell we look like.

Makeup is a blessing and a curse. I’m not one that wears much on a daily basis, but it is fun to play around with when there’s a special occasion, like being stood up for a date. But hey, at least you look fabulous, treat yourself to a blizzard dammit.

The ability to do makeup well is breathtaking. Now a days, there is an array of different techniques to make yourself unrecognizable. There is a product to hide absolutely every imperfection, your skin color, the shape of your eyes, and suddenly you have cheek bones.

I have no problem with makeup, I don’t care how much anyone wears, and when someone has done an amazing job with their’s, I make sure they know. At the end of the day, each woman is an artist in a sense. The only thing that concerns me is that some women use makeup as a way to hide who they are, because they don’t like what they see in the mirror. I believe makeup should compliment your beauty, not be your beauty.

Here’s the thing, what’s amazing about our natural faces is that they are each 100% different, even twins. Each face is unsymmetrical, it’s absolutely beautiful. What’s amazing about our natural faces is that no matter what your insecurities, we should always have a little satisfaction knowing that we are the only one in this whole world that contains the beauty in which we individually carry.

Unless you want to spend a hefty amount of money on plastic surgery, you are stuck with the face you have for the rest of your life. It’d be a waste of life to hate it. Naturally we are beautiful. With makeup we are beautiful. If you are unhappy with what you see in the mirror, talk to me. Talk to your friends. It sometimes takes an outsider’s point of view to see how beautiful you really are. And don’t forget, we’re always our toughest critic.

“How many of you can call yourself beautiful or handsome tonight? Globally 4% of women will call themselves beautiful… which leaves 96% that feel inferrer or not good enough because of their body”.

If we suddenly did not have makeup, would you know who you are? Or would you be lost with this mask you were given to grow into at birth? What is your mask, the one you were given or the one you’ve created yourself?

I love that there is 7 billion different kinds of beauty. Love your natural self before you cover it up.

 “Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”
— Mark Victor Hansen

You VS. Wh(you)

Do you ever have a great title for something, but once you try to write about it your mind goes blank? Maybe it’s because of a sinus infection, maybe it’s writers block, maybe it’s your own doubts about your potential to succeed. But, whatever it is you still can’t seem to get the appropriate words out.

Anxiety is a bitch, to put it lightly. Anxiety is that friend you want nothing to do with, they think they are benefitting you, without realizing that they’re fucking you up and guiding you in the wrong direction. I say guiding you in the wrong direction in the terms of telling you you aren’t good enough or won’t amount to anything. Anxiety whispers in your ear that no one cares, and the moment you feel that someone just might care about you – anxiety shoots doubt bullets into your veins. Anxiety is a sneaky bitch.

As a writer and a creative soul, I have a lot to say about a lot of things. I was blessed with the gift to carry on a conversation with just about anyone even if I don’t know what the hell they are talking about. Sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other, usually I learn things, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t so curious because I just want to finish my sandwich – not converse with an elderly woman about what yoga classes she likes and why because of her health condition. I say this and you may begin to think the next time I talk to you I don’t give a shit. But before you twist my words, you may want to get into my head.

Anxiety causes my mind to constantly be going. If I could turn it off, I would sometimes. But, I don’t believe in pills to alter my mental state. I ask questions because I am genuinely curious about everything. The passion and excitement behind people’s eyes gives me a high that’s more addicting that anything a doctor can prescribe.

In Steven Pressfield’s book “Do The Work” he said, “A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. It’s only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate”. You VS Wh(you) is the doubt we hold in ourselves. Some use doubt as motivation to succeed. Some use doubt as an excuse to stay in their safety zone. And others don’t know how the hell to use doubt, they allow the doubt to suck them dry.

There are three questions that I hate being asked, “why do you like writing?”, “can I read your blog?”, and “so..what do you write about?”. 99.9% of the time that I am asked these questions, I freeze up and can not put my thoughts into words as to why I like writing, NO you can not read my blog. Why? Because I don’t want you to judge me or think what I have to say is stupid. And what do I write about? Whatever the fuck I want. It’s funny how one of the things I am most passionate about is also one of the things that cause me the most anxiety.

It all relates back to thinking I have no talent in writing, similar to the lack of talent I have musically. I think to myself, “Am I even good enough to make it?”. “Do I even have good content to talk about?”. “Do I sound self centered when I write?”. “Are people even reading this shit, or am I getting more confident in writing just because people like my posts on Facebook, but really have never read a blog post?”. I overthink just about every aspect of my piece, but don’t end up posting half of them thinking people don’t care and that I’m wasting my time.

Heres the thing: practicing what you love is never a waste of time. There is always someone who cares about what you have to say. And criticism is one of the most effective ways to grow. If you don’t practice, screw up, make an ass out of yourself, then how are you ever going to progress? The beauty behind doing what you love, saying how you feel, being honest with yourself and others is the conversation that comes a long with all of that. If you stay in the safe zone your whole life, how will you ever know what you’re really capable of? If you don’t write about whatever the hell you want, how will you ever know how far you can really take your content?

We all experience anxiety in someway. We all doubt ourselves. We are our own toughest critic. But whatever it is that you love or whoever it is you want to become – you can do it. Test your limits, cross the line, get in trouble, learn from your life experiences. But listen to your heart most importantly. You know yourself the best, even if you think you are totally lost. Have some time to yourself to gather your thoughts, to calm down, and appreciate what it is that you have and where it is that you will be one day. The one thing you can control is how you treat yourself. And that one thing can change everything.

The Struggle You Are In Today is Developing the Strength You Need For Tomorrow.

The Beauty of Living

Opportunity: a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something.

Life: the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.

We are all opponents in the game of life. Some may say that the system is designed for the wealthy to succeed and for the poor to do the dirty work while struggling. The funny thing is that money really isn’t the most important factor here, its you. Without yourself, life wouldn’t be a thing. Makes sense right? But if it was as simple as that, we wouldn’t be a society so obsessed with success, money, societal rank, or how others’ view us.

Take a moment to breathe. Look away from the screen, look into yourself and ask yourself if you are happy at this moment. If you are, why? What are the factors in your life that currently make you happy. If you aren’t, why? What are the factors in your life that currently make you unhappy? In both circumstances, what would you differently if you had the chance? Before you get to deep in thought… think about this. The only time that really matters is this second. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Yesterday is yesterday. What’s done is done. What’s to come is unknown. Even if you are unhappy in this moment, there is always something to be thankful for. The fact that you’re in good health, the fact that you have the opportunity of tomorrow, hell even the fact you have a meal on your table this evening. Life is not a game at a casino that will win you lots of money. Life is a game of happiness.

Why do people become obsessed with money, material things, or the opinions of others? Because they’re convinced those things are what will lead to happiness. Endorphins are addicting, we are looking for that thing that will make us happy… but the sad thing, isn’t living enough? Isn’t today enough?

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, in the United States alone there was a reported 41, 149 suicides in 2013. According to the Depression and Bipolar Support Association, approximately 14.8 million adults are suffering from some form of depression.

If these numbers don’t alarm you, I want to ask you why? What is it that we can do in our everyday lives to help those suffering from anxiety, depression, or any negative thinking for that matter? Or are we to busy in our lives to give a shit?

Life is beautiful. Life is about opportunity and growth. Life is about loving yourself, realizing your worth, and opening your eyes to what is around you. If you are unhappy, change something. You owe it to yourself, you have the power to change your surroundings, and there is always help for you. If you are happy, help someone. Do something small for someone. Acknowledge their existence. The beauty of being organic is that we can grow and we can change as much as we want before we pass. The beauty of opportunity is that we have it. We have the opportunity to be whatever the fuck we want to be.

You are beautiful. The world is beautiful. Be organic, and live your damn life however makes you happiest.


Happy Earth Day.

What About Now?

In dedication to Throw Back Thursday I thought it was only necessary to log into MySpace and take a scroll through memory lane. 1,000 photos later I saw duck lips, over plucked eye brows, middle fingers, too much makeup, and some epic memories that are only remembered because there was a photograph taken that night.

Growing up is a funny thing. Once puberty hits, life gets weird. We think we are unstoppable, we think we know everything, we think life is hard, and we can’t wait to grow up. Once we grow up, we look back and crave the easy life we used to live. We begin to think “I wish..” or “what if…”, when really we should be thinking “fuck yeah, that happened, that was epic”. Now, I could be saying this because I was quite the wild child growing up, but if there was one thing I would tell my younger self it would be not to worry. I wouldn’t just tell my younger self not to worry, but I want to tell myself not to worry right now.

We try to grow up so fast that we don’t get to enjoy being young. I’m twenty years old, I over work myself, barley go out, and make a large portion of my decisions based on an unpredictable future that I am trying to build for myself. It’s like we are all scared to screw up now because if we screw up now, our future is fucked. But that’s not the case…. if we screw up, we screw up. We should choose our own path of life, and have fun while doing it. Having fun is so important. Experiencing life is so important. Taking advantage of the little moments you’re experiencing now, is so important.

The future is very important. But the future is also the future. The future is unknown, unpredictable, and not guaranteed. If we spend our lives making decisions looking 5 years into the future, but pass away at a days notice – what were we living for? Were we living for the now, or for the unknown? Were we living, or just going through life in hopes of finding a happy place in 5 years once you land a solid job? Why can’t our happy place be now? Why don’t we do things twenty somethings like to do? Why not call out because you’re hungover as fuck? “Because it’s irresponsible”. Why not go on a date with that guy you know will break your heart? “Because you’re wasting your time”. Why get way to drunk the night before you have to go to work? Because my friend was up from college and I lost track of drinks, but we had amazing laughs and I accidentally drunk texted this super hot guy I probably don’t have a chance with. But it sounded like a good idea at the time. Why go on a date with that guy you know will break your heart? Because he might not break your heart. Because you might have so much fun with him, and if he does break your heart – at least you had fun while you were together and this is just a situation to learn from.

See, the thing about life is that we are taught to live in the safe zone. But safe is never the most fun. Up until about two years ago, most of my decisions were not in any benefit to my future. All I was thinking about was the moment that I was in, and the next party TBH. Did I screw up a lot and wake up thinking “why the hell did you do that”, yes. A shit ton. But did I have a lot of fun? Yes. Today, like i said earlier, most of my decisions I make are for the future. I don’t party as much because I work every single day so I can’t afford to have a hangover, nor do I stay up late enough to make it to any parties.

Being young isn’t just about parties, however when I was young, wild, and free that was all that I knew. My point from all this rambling is to not hold yourself back. Don’t let the pressures of the future effect your present.

The only time you have is now. 5 minutes ago is now the past, and 5 minutes from now is the future. But neither of those matter. All that matters is that your happy now. And if it’s doing the complete opposite of what I just said – that you need to get your shit together, then get your shit together. Lol, but don’t forget to be happy with the life that you’re living. We don’t need to be the generation that is 30, miserable with a high paying job, and live their lives based off the “what if” that are to late be the “remember when”.

“It is okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign — and celebrate your struggle.”

An Important Lesson To Learn or To Remember

I haven’t written in a few weeks for many different reasons, but to sum it all up to one word: life. Life got a hold of me, and I was unable to take time to sit down and write with a clear mind. I went to bed mad last night, woke up mad this morning; and through work I thought this day was going to suck. Thankfully I got to play in nature today with an old friend, which not only calmed me down, but it also lifted my mood about 100%. However, through the crazy weeks I’ve had recently I’ve had one topic that I’d been dying to write about. I want to make it short and sweet, but we will see how much I will ramble on today.

Two weeks ago I had a woman tell me due to the lack of life I have lived, I am unable to be trusted. I had another woman tell me that I was unprofessional. Then I had one of my good friends on Friday come to me about some personal stuff, and at the end of it said: “you’re a good person”. It was in that moment, after those four words that I realized… I am a good person… Then I realized, fuck what other people think. Especially those who’ve only met you once, only for a few minutes, with absolutely no knowledge about WHO you are.

People judging others without taking the time to get to know them and judge them off of made up things in their minds bothers me. The reason being, how can you judge someone without knowing them? The lesson here: get to know people. Listen to people. Without judging. See someone for who they really are. I mean, whats the point of getting to know people if you are judging them the whole time? That’s a waste of time, and we all know how limited time is.

The not so funny thing I realized through all these situations happening is how much I allowed two women’s opinions about me, whom I did not know personally at all, effect me negatively. Not only their opinion’s, but anyone’s negative opinions – I will loose sleep over. Negativity is so powerful. Contrary to that, positive energy is as powerful, if not more if you allow it to be. The moment my friend told me that I was a good person it was like I got a slap in the face by reality to get out the funk I was in. It’s like, here’s a friend I’ve had for three years, who knows me SO well, telling me that I am in fact a good person. It was like, why did I just let strangers make me doubt my self worth?

Here’s the thing peeps: Some will love you. Some will hate you. But it’s important to trust in those who have taken the time to really get to know the true you. I know it’s hard to ignore negative comments about yourself or those you love – but it’s important to not let those hover over you so much as to morph your opinion of yourself into a negative one. I am a strong believer that those who are worth keeping in your life are those that don’t look at your life through their eyes, but look at your life through your eyes. Those who try to understand why you do what you do. Those who ask questions instead of make assumptions. Those who help you, not tare you down. Those who don’t judge you, but love you for being authentically you.